DOUBT

Do you suffer from self doubt? And what even is it? How do you move past it?

Self doubt is a huge block that I help my clients to overcome, eradicate and protect themselves against. And i’m going to share with you exactly how you too can do this.

First, let’s look at how self doubt can creep into our lives:

It can present in many different ways, so let’s look at the most common presenting symptoms of a deeper self doubt wound:

Imposter Syndrome:

Whether it’s in a new role at work or a new social setting, imposter syndrome is a common occurrence when it comes to self doubt. It’s feeling as if you don’t belong, as if people think you’re less than or that you aren’t capable of executing whatever is in front of you. You know that feeling when the conversation is thrown your way and you feel like you’re drowning… suffocating under your own mental blocks and barriers? Or maybe you’re more familiar with the anxiety associated with putting yourself in new environments? These are all signs of imposter syndrome!

Seeking External Validation:

Are you posting the picture perfect life on instagram yet truthfully you are really struggling behind the scenes? Seeking external validation is a common behaviour done in an attempt to improve your self worth, you lack it internally so you look externally as a way to prop yourself up. From posting on Instagram to gain likes – to needing to cross check with 768 people every time you need to choose an outfit for event… seeking external validation is a one way ticket to feelings of hollow defeat.

Low Confidence:

Can you hold your own? Self doubt can often present as low confidence or being ‘shy’. Of course, some people are simply quieter in nature. But if you’re someone that was once wild, eccentric and confident (think back to your university days with your girlfriends drinking cheap champagne and having the ability to speak to anyone and everyone) and now you’re finding yourself, perhaps in a new season of life, quiet, reserved and closed off from the world. It’s not you, it’s your self doubt that is keeping you hidden from the world!

Jealousy & Insecurity in Relationships:

Are you someone constantly comparing yourself to others? Constantly living on high alert because you’re certain that your significant other is looking for a way out, that your friends think they’re better than you and that your neighbour is plotting to have you evicted from the street?

Okay, that last one is dramatic – but honestly, it is equally as absurd as the others. Jealousy and insecurity stems from self doubt – holding a belief that you are not good enough or not worthy of something in comparison to someone else. This not only impacts you, but it significantly impacts your loved ones. If your self doubt is presenting this way, I hate to say it – but you are robbing your loved ones of the opportunity to love, enjoy and celebrate all of you. Because the truth is, they do love you, otherwise they wouldn’t be around!

Whilst I could continue to write forever, these are the biggest ones that I see within my clients. If any of these ^ are ringing true, or if you’re sitting here thinking, ‘fuck, I’m all of them!’ then relax! You’re in the right place, because I’m about to show you exactly how to overcome it.

3 steps to overcoming self doubt:

1. Become aware of your favourite flavour of self doubt. Increasing your awareness around a behaviour is going to put you in control of changing it. How does your self doubt manifest in your life? Is it through one of the ways mentioned above?Some other ways it can show up are: procrastination or ego reactivity and defensiveness – just to name a couple more culprits. Whatever it is, become super aware of your behaviour. You cannot change what you cannot notice!
2. Practice self compassion. When we increase awareness in these areas and recognise that we are feeding the loops and strategies that produce it, it can be easy to fall into a negative spiral around it. If you notice yourself doing this, and you are spiralling down in the way of adding fuel to the fire of your inner bitch – stop. pause. breath and regulate yourself before meeting yourself in compassion.My favourite breath for regulation is a simple box breath. 4 seconds breathing in, 4 seconds holding at the top, 4 seconds breathing out and 4 seconds holding at the bottom – repeat minimum 5 times or until you feel back in control of your inner dialogue.Recognise that by increasing self awareness you are empowering yourself to change your behaviour moving forward – be proud of that!! Nothing changes if nothing changes, of course. We know this. But nothing can change without first bringing awareness to it.
3. Prove. Yourself. Wrong. This is my favourite and the most important, in my opinion. Confidence is built, and self doubt is eradicated, when you can put a stack of undeniable evidence in the camp of self trust and self confidence.Think of it like a tipping scale, or a seasaw, if you have a load of evidence on your self doubt side – things are feeling pretty shitty. It’s time to be intentional about adding things to the side of self trust and self confidence. What promises have you been making to yourself that you haven’t followed through with? These things, like weeding the garden, tidying the container cupboard and calling your mum back, are all seemingly insignificant – yet when compounded, make a huge difference and can tip the scales drastically.When you make a promise to someone else, or more importantly, to yourself – follow through with it. If you say you are going to get up and walk the dog before the kids are up – do it. Leave zero wriggle room for negotiating your way out of it in the morning. Tell your partner for external accountability. Lay your shoes and clothes out at the foot of your bed. There comes a time when you have to say ‘enough is enough’ and you BE the change you need.

Self doubt stands no chance against you building your external awareness to prove it otherwise. It will dissolve, diminish, evaporate into thin air and if you’re dedicated and continue to implement the above – it’s crippling hold on you, will be gone for good.

It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not

~ Hanoch McCarty

Honestly, self doubt is normal. It’s welcomed in my personal world because it proves to me that I am pushing my edges, challenging myself and expanding to new heights. Feeling self doubt is a part of the human experience. What isn’t welcome, necessary or accepted in my world… is listening to it. Shrinking because of it. Allowing it to win.

Self doubt, in my world, is a marker of growth and audacity – both of which I value highly. It is not a reason for me to throw in the towel, alter my behaviour or harm myself or others. Self doubt gets to mean whatever you choose it to mean for you. And with the above tools and reasons, I hope you are choosing to make that meaning one that will align and allow your goals to come to fruition.

So, my question to you is – what are you choosing to make self doubt mean about you?