You are worthy of the love, commitment and compassion that you so easily give other people.
Did you read that and keep it in your head or allow it to be received and have it drop down into your body? Read it again. You are worthy of the love, commitment and compassion that you so easily give other people.
One of the biggest obstacles I help people overcome is their innate desire to place every one and everything above themselves on their priority lists. And they people please. But I’m going to take this one step further and let you in on a little secret. People pleasing, and pleasing people – are two very very different things. Let’s unpack it.
Here’s what actually happens when you people please…
You rob people of the opportunity to love the real you
You become an echo of yourself. A whisper. And whilst you may think that you are showcasing how kind, compassionate and valuable you are.. you are in fact proving how easy to control you are. How easy to manipulate you are. How wavering in personal power and opinion you are.
Think about it. When you people please and say yes to every demand and request of you, when you drop what you really want to do to help others, when you’re constantly putting out fires and being an emotional (or physical) slave to others.. is that really you?
And the worst part – is that unconsciously, your loved ones will continue to use and abuse you. And you’ll grow to resent them for it in some capacity – when the reality is that you have taught them to love you like this, they actually have no idea how else to connect with you.
So, now that you have a bit more rocket fuel to get you out of this place, how do you do it?
Step one:
Figure out the kind of things you would like to prioritise. You’re so used to saying yes all of the time, if you had more time and energy up your sleeve and therefore more ‘yes’ cards left in your back pocket – where are they going? Perhaps you have a hobby that you’d love to reignite. Get back into the gym. Reconnect with old friends. Have more sex with your hubby. Whatever it is, get clear on it.
Step two:
Make a list of all the things you no longer want to say yes to you. Calm down, this isn’t being carved into snow and you can change your mind. Top of your head, what would you love to release from your life? And I already know where your mind is going – you’ve bought. one way ticket to guilt city. Because even though you love your kids, maybe you don’t want to be the one doing every single drop off and pick up, maybe you don’t want to be the only one responsible for lunch boxes and laundry and bath time and the million other things. Or maybe you do, you get to decide that.
Step three:
Communication, baby. Based on your lists above ^^ who do you need to have a conversation with? Perhaps you need to figure out how to get in contact with old friends. Maybe you need to research local gyms or community groups. Watch some youtube videos on how to persuade your kids to find doing the laundry a fun game (you get the picture). There is always a way to get you in a better position. There just is. And you can’t see one, it’s because your judgement is clouded by emotion.
If there is one thing I know, it’s this – it’s hard to love an echo. You’re going to be clinging on to fragments of yourself, whilst never quite being able to get a good grasp of it. The above steps are a great starting place to be able to bring yourself back into alignment with who you really are, and more importantly, who you are going to choose to be!
As always, on the path of growth and development, you’ll find yourself slipping back into old habits and patterns – that’s actually great awareness. Instead of beating yourself up about it, celebrate the fact that you noticed it (and you weren’t completely on auto pilot!) and gently nudge yourself back into alignment with who you want to be. Compassion first, always.
I’m excited for you to be at a place where you have a better idea of who the heck you are outside of your responsibilities. I’m excited for you to share that with your loved ones (and the world!) and for you to give them the opportunity to love that version of you too. i’m excited for your future. And you should be too!
